Communication Breakdown: When Partners speak different languages
“Your lips move but I can´t hear what you´re saying … I´ve become comfortably numb” COMFORTABLY NUMB, PINK FLOYD.
One of the most fascinating (but disturbing) traits about lawyers´ partnerships is their remarkable difficulty to communicate effectively among themselves. In my work as consultant I continuously find partners with decades of close personal relationship and successful careers in their law firms, but who are unable to discuss openly and in a constructive way their differences and things they dislike about their relationship. Frequently this situation creates an almost bipolar set of personal interactions. On the one hand, partners have very cordial personal relationships based on years of sharing a common project and spending a lot of time together, exchanging stories and anecdotes. When you see that part of the picture, everything looks fine and the partnership seems strong. But when I talk to partners individually about the firm and their concerns Mr. Hyde appears (disregarding Dr. Jeykill) and numerous complaints and regrets are described, all of which is not conducive to the partnership taking smart decisions.
Several factors can contribute to describe this problematic environment. On the one hand, lawyers are unskilled at communicating non-technical matters. Different studies ratify this shortcoming. The skeptical and controversial nature of lawyers does not help very much either. On top of that, the “silo model” used traditionally by many firms in the region lacks sufficient incentives for an ambience of creative communication. Partners handle their own business (clients, team and economic results) with limited interaction and coordination with other partners. In that environment, partners remain engulfed within each other, just sharing with the others the attractive part of the relationship.
The new market forces came to disrupt this model. Clients, new generations and technology started to require a different type of relationships, where the isolated silos were unable to provide effective solutions. Partners have been asked -finally- to work as a one-firm organization and a business enterprise. In knowledge-intensive organizations with a very high dependence on individuals interacting with each other, effective communication becomes essential. As Ernesto Gore describes so well in his work about the ”Collective Mind”, the more multifaceted type of products or services an organization provides -based on the interaction of individuals-, the more important becomes the quality of the ties between those individuals.
Situations frequently exist in which partners who share long-standing personal and professional relationships, nevertheless speak different languages among themselves. This reminds me of a short play I saw years ago -I can´t remember it´s name- about a conversation between a woman and a man. They had a beautiful interaction between them, full of humor and wit, with subtle touches of romance here and there. They got along so well between them that it seemed they had known each other for ever. But for one of them this relationship meant love and for the other just friendship (while from the audience perspective it looked like both). So they shifted from sharing all those nice moments they built in their own special way, to the discussion of whether that meant love or friendship. That discussion progressively drew them apart from each other. This short play ended unresolved with the parties looking at the audience with frustration and helplessness, unable to realize that for them it was more important to define their type of relationship (what kept them apart) than what drew them together.
How can communication between partners be improved? As with the couple in the play, focus should be aimed at those things in common that the partners share among them. But the risk is to give too much importance to the personal aspects of the relationship. Needless to say, the latter is very important, but that alone does not build a partnership. The glue should come from the mission and goals of the firm. What do we want to do with the firm? As David Maister asks, are we in this together? That beautiful conversation full of humor, wit and romance is the conversation about the type of firm and the common goals that the partners are willing to achieve together. Many firms in the region possess all those great assets based on years of work by excellent lawyers. But superficial and purposeless conversations can deteriorate those assets in many firms, and markets aren´t getting any easier.
As lawyers, we always want to be right in our discussions and our strong sense of autonomy resists having to modify our way of carrying out and thinking about our work. After all, that´s the way we have always done it! And we didn´t do that badly, did we? That attitude -more widespread than you would image- is like trying to discuss if this is love or friendship while our relationship deteriorates more and more, and our firm alongside. It´s time we change the way we handle discussions with our partners. Disagreement is not the end of the world and is certainly much better than little or no communication at all. Unless we can stop and look at the way we are handling our relationship with our partners, it will be difficult to face the type of challenges that the new market is posing to us.
When your partners move their lips but you can´t hear what they say, that means you are in trouble. Being comfortably numb is not a good strategy for a partnership or a firm. In the end, is purposeless to decide whether it is love or friendship as long as you can maintain the best of your relationship. As hard as it may seem, I suggest you give it a try. Your firm is worth making the effort.
